I'm very, very sad to report that my husband died this week. He was only 50, and he didn't have anything wrong with him. He was literally fine one day and gone the next.
I'm afraid I wonder whether it may have been due to the stress of taking care of me for the last 8 months. While I'm not very ill, my memory is quite shaky... I have good long term memory, like I remember everything before the last 5 years pretty clearly, but my short term memory is defective due to my arteriosclerosis and the hemorrhages in my brain that occurred 8 months ago. The hemorrhages are lodged in the area of short term memory and that makes it difficult to me to recall the details of day-to-day living. Every day I wake up and only remember a few of the things (mostly very big/unusual things) that have happened in the past weeks/months. The 'regular stuff' of daily living just seems to vanish overnight. This is obviously hard for me to handle and it was hard for him, too.
It's very sad that he's gone, but at least he's at peace now and has no more problems to worry about.
I'm still here, but I wish my life would get easier. I still have to take a bunch of meds every day because of the brain problems and must now try to deal with everything on my own. Please send me your wishes for good luck and improvement -- Lord knows I need as much of both of those as I can get.
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36 comments:
Lexa, I'm sorry to hear that! My heart goes out to you. Prayers and thoughts for you.
I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am to hear about your husband passing. I’m keeping you in my thoughts. Take care - Ellen
Dearest Lexa....I am shocked and so saddened by your news and if I was near, I would be there and give you a huge hug and help you through this most difficult time. I am certain you are now just going through the motions because his death has not even “hit” you yet. I hope you have family and friends near you and that your support system is strong. My thoughts will be with you through this time and this year coming. You have had too many things happen to your health that his passing will not help because loss of a loved one brings stress. I hope you will do your best not to blame yourself for his passing because he loved you and, I am sure, wanted to be by your side. I have had clients where their partner or sibling suffered a major cardiac arrest and there was not a thing anyone could do. It is a hidden disease that seems to “hide” from the doctors unless it is family history or the person suffered this and survived. One client I had said she was hanging her drapes and was on a step ladder when she suffered a major heart attack. When she fell off the ladder and landed on the floor that “thump” resuscitated her heart and she survived. I am only assuming he suffered a heart attack and if I am wrong...my apologies. Just, please don’t blame yourself for something you had no control over. Do you write. Diary every day? This might help you through your day to day struggle. Anyway, I am giving you a long hug from afar and if you need to talk, just let me know
O, Lexa, I am so sorry to read this and my heart goes out to you. I hope that you have family around who can help you through this very difficult time.
Oh my God, I am so sorry to hear that! I hope and pray you have friends and family nearby that can help you through this and watch out for you. Sending you a big hug.
Oh my gosh, this is absolutely devastating. Can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now. I hope you have some kind of support system nearby that you can turn to occasionally to help you get through all of this...
Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. I hope you have family and friends there to help you through this time. Love and virtual hugs to you.
I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you find the strength you need to get through this.
I'm thinking of you. So, so sorry for your loss. *hugs*
we are so sorry to hear this, good Lady Lexa... We knew of your illness (did not know "what" but was glad to hear when your were feeling better (on some days)... now this ... Bless you and try to be Strong, as we know that you are...
My best wishes during this terrible time , Stacey
My prayers and thoughts are with you.
My heart is aching for you.
I'm so sorry to hear this news. I wish I could be with you to help you through this difficult time. Just let me know if you need anything at all. Hugs.
Holy shit! I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what you're going through to some extent. My big bro died this past January from cancer. Just make sure you reach out to the people you still have. Don't try to go it alone.
Oh Lexa I am so so sorry to hear your sad news. My deepest sympathies to you.
This is so devastating. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, and of your continued struggles. I hope you have a good support system to help you through this.
I am so sad and sorry to read this. I am thinking of you and sending virtual hugs.
Lexa, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. That is awful news. I can't even imagine the shock. But it bothers me you're blaming yourself. I can understand why you might think it, but no. Just no. I've spent a better part of my life taking care of people who need me. Sure, it can be stressful, but it's not lethal. And we do it because we love the people who need us. And we know they'd do the same for us if we were in need.
My husband's cousin had that widow maker artery-- fortunately it was found, by accident, treated. Had it not, he would have fallen over dead by age 50. My husband's uncle died in our basement in his fifties. The people who found him said it looked like he'd just gone to sleep sitting there. He was the happiest man I knew. It was just his time.
And I must confess, I've had a whole year of guilt and brain fog because my mother died one year ago and I keep thinking if I'd only taken better care of her. Paid better attention to health issues, maybe things would be different. As I read your words, I kept thinking how much credit (blame) we give ourselves for things that are truly out of our control.
Hugs and love. You hang in there, sweet lady. I'll be praying for you!!!
Lexa, I've been praying and thinking of you since you mentioned the brain issue many months ago, then when I read on Facebook about your poor husband I was shocked and stunned. My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so very sorry. I wish I could be there to help support you, but I am there is spirit along with so many people in this blogging community. Take care, you're in my heart.
Dear Lexa - how very devastating ... and I feel so sorry for you. Thank you for explaining things for us ... and on that score I sincerely hope you have close friends and family nearby who will be helping you through your sorrow, as too keeping yourself going with your own challenges - my thoughts and a few long comforting hugs - Hilary
Dear Lexa, so sorry about this! Hugs from Australia and thinking of you. I hope you have family and friends who live closer than I do. Take care of yourself and let them help you!
My heart aches for you. Do you have other family you can stay with for a while who could help you? You are in my prayers.
Oh, Lexa, I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. There is nothing else I can say, except please don't blame yourself. My condolences to you and your family.
I've been thinking of you since reading this on FB and I'm so stunned and sorry for your loss. My sincere condolences to you and all who loved your husband. It's clear he was a wonderful man.
I am so sorry, Lexa.
Lexa, I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself. I hope you have friends and family that can be there for you.
Blessings, hugs, and prayers to you, Lexa. Like others have said, don't blame yourself. No one knows when it's our time. Take care of your health, treasure the years you had together. Love you.
I'm just beside myself, Lexa. This is a real whopper of a development. I only hope and pray that God sends many angels to help you through this hard time, especially now that you're husband can no longer take care of your needs. Get help from someone, whoever can do it! I hope there is family or good friends close by! I'm going to worry about you until I know you're all right.... :(
I"m brokenhearted for you, Lexa. I hope you have friends there who will help support you and help as much as they can. It's such a difficult time for you. We all hold you in our thoughts and prayers.
All such sad news Lexa. My heart bleeds for you.
My wishes and prayers are with you.
OMG, I'm so...no words. My prayers and positive thoughts for you, Lexa.
What heartbreaking news--50 is too young. You have my greatest sympathy and I hope you have others nearby to help you through this incredibly difficult time on top of your health problems. I will be thinking of you.
Dear Lexa:
I'm so very sorry to hear about your husband's passing and your illness. Truly hoping that you're well taken care of and supported right now. Take very good care!
Lexa, it saddens me to hear that your wonderful husband has passed away. I'm praying for you. You're a good person and I pray that good things come your way. God bless you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
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