Wednesday, July 1, 2015

IWSG: 20 Funny Similes


We work so hard to try to make our writing perfect.  We slave over every word and sentence, and we second guess ourselves.  Lines that seemed fabulous one day, read like utter crap the next day.  And then it's back to pounding away at the keyboard, trying to find a better way to write it.

But no matter how bad you think your writing is -- it could NEVER be this bad!

20 Similes Written by High Schoolers 

1. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

2. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

3. She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can't sing worth a damn.

4. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

5. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

6. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

7. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

8. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

11. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

12. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

13. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

14. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

15. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

16. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

17. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

18. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

19. They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”

20. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.


 Which one made you laugh hardest?


This is a post for the Insecure Writer's Support Group, the brainchild of Alex J. Cavanaugh. It exists so the community of blogging writers can share and support each other, blog-hopping to cheerlead and commiserate. To find out more, visit: Insecure Writer's Support Group. Plus, check out the IWSG Website for lots of helpful info and links.

Similes via:
Huffington Post 
Eddie Snipes 
Ned Hardy 

53 comments:

Kate Larkindale said...

#3 made me laugh. I love McArthur Park!

And #15 is actually pretty cool….

Rhonda Albom said...

Several of them made me laugh, but it was the really dumb ones that I like best, #7 and #11.

JeffO said...

"as easy as the TV Guide crossword" it pretty good!

I hate writing similes. They always feel so...blah when I write them.

Denise Covey said...

Hi Lexa. Some/all of these are so delightfully dumb. It is hard work inventing just the right simile. :-)

Winter Moon said...

Ha! These are all brilliant, I couldn't possibly choose a favourite :)

Shah Wharton said...

These make me feel like Shakespeare. Forever grateful, Lexa. :)

shahwharton.com

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Love and a garbage truck backing up - I never would've put those two together!

Natalie Aguirre said...

Thanks for sharing. These are pretty bad and funny. I liked the garbage truck and lamp ones.

mshatch said...

Damn, these were great and I laughed over more than one! #5 totally cracked me up, and #10...and #12. Thanks for the laughs :)

Beverly Stowe McClure said...

Thanks for starting my day with a laugh. #10, the ballerina, was hilarious, as were all the others.

TBM said...

How funny. Garbage truck...really. My dog hates the beeping sounds the garbage truck makes and we live on a busy street and it goes by about five times a day. It drives him crazy each time!

Emma Adams said...

Ha! These are brilliant. Suddenly, my draft doesn't look that bad. :P

Emma Adams said...

Ha! These are brilliant. Suddenly, my draft doesn't look that bad. :P

Andrew Leon said...

Those are so awesome!
I mean, sure, horrible. But awesomely horrible!

J.H. Moncrieff said...

I like the first one. Great list!

There's an artistry to some of these.

Crystal Collier said...

Oh my gosh! THOSE WERE EPIC. I actually really liked #3. Great voice. #5 made me laugh. #6 made me think someone needs to figure out what a simile is. #13 is epic!

Thank you for the comedy today.

Rachel Pattinson said...

These are amazing! I may have to send these to my friend, who's a secondary school teacher! I loved number 11 - so much for stating the obvious! Thanks for making me smile!!

Loni Townsend said...

Hehe, I've seen many of these before. My husband looked up a list that had like 56 entries on it, all because I had sent him a line that had made me cringe. I suppose we all have to start somewhere!

Ava Quinn said...

Oh, those are hilarious. thanks for the laughs!!

Chemist Ken said...

Loved #1. I think I could almost imagine reading that in a Dashell Hammett story.

Dr. Theda said...

the one about the "boat" floating ... the way a Brick would Not....
reminded us of having read Douglas Adams and his description of the Vogon ships....
A great day to you dear Lady Debra....

Kim Graff said...

Haha what a weird list! I do appreciate poorly written things, if only because it makes me feel better about my own writing :)

Laurel Garver said...

These are awesome. For some reason #12 about the lame duck strikes my funny bone. Maybe it's how intensely awkward the wordiness makes it. More funny to me than the pithy ones.

Birgit said...

The dog throw up was very funny as well as the lame duck. These are hilarious and glad you found these to share with us

Murees Dupé said...

I'm sorry, but I laughed so hard, I teared up. I can't choose just one. This is just too unbelievable. Thank you for making my day.

Stephen Hayes said...

#5 really had me laughing. What was that guy thinking?

Melissa said...

#5 and #15 LOL
#13 and #16 Ewww.
#20 is the winner! :D

IWSG #123 until Alex culls the list again.

messymimi said...

Easy as the TV Guide crossword! Now i am laughing so hard my stomach hurts!

Jennifer Hawes said...

#16 I can just see my teenage boys barfing like dogs and making quite a show of it:) Thanks for all the laughs today!

Editors At Work said...

I've been reading up on Margie Lawson's Body Language and there are so many ways to write a smile...

Kim Lajevardi said...

Too funny! Number thirteen did it for me. Nose hair. *Snort*

M.R. R. said...

I feel a little better about myself. Now for a parody, these would be awesome.

Medeia Sharif said...

These are hilarious. I remember getting a handout of these at a workshop during my first year of teaching. Most of these were on there. No matter how many times I read them, I laugh out loud.

Courtney Turner said...

This is great! How can one choose just one??? And thanks for stopping by last month, I've been swamped w/ work in June so didn't blog much. Much aloha! Maui Jungalow

Dianne K. Salerni said...

I've seen many of these before -- and I think some of them are BRILLIANT, if you're writing in a Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, or Lemony Snicket style. I'm actually using some of them for a children' writing class next week.

Kimberly said...

Oh my goodness, those are funny - a few of them I laughed out loud, lol. :)

Kimberly said...

Oh my goodness, those are funny - a few of them I laughed out loud, lol. :)

Cherdo said...

"The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object."

Ha ha ha...they're all good, Lexa! Great post. I needed a laugh.

Tanya Miranda said...

These were hysterical! I shared this link everywhere, and I even sent it to my husband. Thank you so much for the chuckles.

-T

Tanya Miranda - Writer, Dreamer, Intergalactic Superhero

Laura Clipson said...

Nose hair after a sneeze, definitely the funniest. Thanks for sharing!

Jennifer Lane said...

Loved #5. The nose hair one grossed me out!

Southpaw HR Sinclair said...

"Lines that seemed fabulous one day, read like utter crap the next day." Yeah, what's up with that!

The first simile is make me smile the 4th made me laugh. That one is perfect for a high schooler that is probably gearing up for the SATs!

Cherie Colyer said...

These are great. I can't pick a favorite. The garbage truck and the ballerina had me smiling. Interesting comparisons.

blogoratti said...

Very delightful read, really great stuff!

Michelle Wallace said...

"Lines that seemed fabulous one day, read like utter crap the next day."
Ha! I'm not the only one. I've been experiencing this quite a bit... ...and what's with the second-guessing myself moments?? Sheesh!!

Had a good laugh at the similes. The last one is the best!

Karla Gomez said...

Hahaha. THESE ARE GREAT. I think #4 is my fave :D

Julie Flanders said...

I think the hummingbirds who had never met was my favorite LOL. All of them are classic. :D

Michael Di Gesu said...

These were great, Lexa! Well done!

Cathy Keaton said...

Number 20, huh? O_o

lorilmaclaughlin.com said...

Hee, hee, thanks for my laugh for the day! I'm not sure I could pick which one made me laugh the most — #5 and #10 definitely. In fact, I'm still laughing about #5, so I guess that one wins. :)

Beverly Fox said...

#4- totally!

Elizabeth Varadan, Author said...

Like Winter Moon, I couldn't possibly pick a favorite. I had to laugh at every one of them.

afriendofjesus2013.com said...

Great way to bring a smile Lexa. Have a safe and blessed 4th of July.

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